A year ago today I posted a photo from the 200-hour yoga teacher training I’d just completed in Chiang Mai, Thailand. Even then, just a month after I’d come home, I’d captioned the picture “I miss everything about this”. Hard to believe that an entire year has passed since then.
But hey, thanks to Facebook’s On This Day, we’re reminded on the daily of what our lives used to look like. It’s a neat feature, for sure, causing nostalgia some days and cringing on others (the Picnik-edited mirror selfies from ten years ago? Very cringe-y.). Some days it’s reassuring, like when it’s a little reminder of how far you’ve come and the progress you’ve made; some days it sends you into a “what happened, I used to be so happy” type of sad nostalgia.
I think I’m in a love/hate relationship with a Facebook feature.
A very volatile one, I guess, seeing as it changes just about every day! But seriously, other (real) relationships go through changes as well. Maybe not so quickly, but over time all relationships ebb and flow, evolve, shift. Your relationship with your parents, for example, is drastically different in your twenties from what it was when you were a cranky teenager. Friendships become closer, or drift apart, as we move into different phases of our lives, and that sister who was always the bane of your existence might become your nearest dearest friend. There are oodles of reasons why (maturity, changing interests, where you are and where you’re going in life…), but all relationships are not static. They’re ever-changing, and whether we acknowledge and accept that or not, it’s the way things are.
For the most part, I’m comfortable with that. I kinda think that everything happens for a reason, so if I feel myself clicking with someone, I’ll try to go with it. If someone is giving me bad feelings, or feels like they’re drifting from me, there’s probably a reason for it, and this is the universe’s hint to take a little space.
I can accept changes in my real, live people relationships, so why did I feel so yucky when I realized my relationship with my yoga practice had changed??
Thank you, Facebook. So many days I look, and the posts from “that day in history” are yoga-related. Yoga used to be the be-all, end-all, all-consuming love of my life. Now, I feel guilty about how little yoga shows up in my life (or what Facebook sees of it) in comparison.
For a while, I’d be at every pop-up community yoga class that came onto my radar, and my Wednesday night class was a “nothing else matters, I NEED to get to yoga”-type affair. Any time I could squeeze in an extra class or sneak in a home practice, I’d be on my mat. I’ve said yoga is better than any therapy I’ve tried, and at that time in my life, I think it was just what I needed to maintain my sanity (or some semblance of sanity. I don’t know).
There was another little phase where my practice took on a more spiritual aspect. It didn’t last long, and I never really got the hang of meditation, but yeah…that was a thing.
After my teacher training, I was really gung-ho on teaching classes, getting my name out there, posting ALL THE YOGA things, and just basically getting attention. My yoga practice was more of a public thing than a therapy or a meditation or a private, just-for-me hobby. Kinda cringey, but #sorrynotsorry. It is what it is.
At any of these other points in my life, one glance at any part of my social media would tell you “oh, duh, she’s a yogi”. To be fair, my instagram is still 98% yoga pictures, but my Facebook now has just as many photos of my cat, or friends, or stupid memes as it does yoga stuff. Off-line, my practice is less evident, too. I occasionally drop into a class, and I teach once a week, but otherwise I’ve kind of gone missing from the yoga community.
It’s easy to think (like I do in those FB-memory-fueled moments of guilt) that I’ve let my relationship with yoga slide, but really, I haven’t. It’s evolved, sure, but yoga is still the love of my life (after my cat, and my bf…okay lets just say I love it A LOT). It’s no longer the centre of my universe, as it once was, but I’m still on my mat nearly every day. I still get joy from my practice. It’s no longer my therapy, my obsession, my cry for attention – because I no longer need it to be. Now, my relationship with yoga just feels… fun. No pressure. I try not to take it so seriously, and it feels good. I’ve been experimenting with different flows and poses in both my home practice and in the classes I teach, and I’m really really loving it!
As we grow and learn and move through life, we can only expect our interactions with the world around us to change as well. It is what it is, and if we can find the good in that change, what it is is good.
love you, yogis (that one won’t change!)