“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, ‘I’m not going to make it’. but you laugh inside. Remember all the times you’ve felt that way.”
Maybe it’s the crummy weather, maybe Mercury is in retrograde, maybe I’m just a naturally unhappy person. Whatever it is, I haven’t actually been feeling the greatest lately. I can’t say there’s anything particularly wrong, it’s just that nothing feels quite right.
You ever feel that kind of discontent? Like you’re a failure, like you’re not living up to your potential, that you’re just not making as much of your life as you should be? (
No? Just me? Okay, let’s forget this whole thing..) That feeling of inadequacy can be overwhelming, and if you let it, will take you down.
Which is why I really like Bukowski’s quote. It’s a good reminder of how resilient we really are. Despite all our bad days, we’re still here. No matter how bad things have seemed in the past, you’ve gotten through it. All the times you’ve felt like there’s no way you’ll get through this absolute shit-show of a day – you did. And most likely, you’re a little bit better for it.
We need to remember that life is one big learning, growing, evolving experience. And with that comes growing pains. Nobody starts out life with all the answers. It’s through the struggle-y hard times when we just don’t feel good enough that we learn some of the most important lessons.
Whatever you’re dealing with and going (and growing) through now, you’ve been through worse. When you’re feeling stuck and frustrated, look back. See how far you’ve come already. I can almost guarantee, at some point, you were worse off. And yet here you are, a lil bit better. So logically, at some point, there you’ll be – a lil bit better, still.
Like right now:
I feel frustrated and stuck at my job. But at one point, I was working at a ski lodge hotel scrubbing toilets. That didn’t last forever, and neither will this. I’ll find the right job eventually, and look back and laugh at my current complaints.
I hate to admit it, but (at times, not always, I promise) I’m lonely. Being single gets old. When all your friends are paired off, and your wild Friday nights involve jammies, pop-tarts, and a cat – it’s not the greatest feeling. But, I’ve felt just as shitty and lonely at times when I’ve been in a relationship. Clearly the wrong relationships. Even if I’m sometimes unhappy in either situation, I’m a lot better off without someone else making me unhappy. Eventually the right one will come along, but in the meantime, my cat is pretty great.
I do still struggle sometimes with disordered thoughts around food. Which sucks, and is frustrating, and can make me feel like an absolute failure. But in the past, I’ve acted on all those unhealthy thoughts. At one point, anxiety to the point of crying over a meal was a totally regular thing for me. I’ve come a long way since then, and in time, I’ll go a long way further in my recovery. Some day those thoughts might not even try to enter my head. Life’s gotten a lot better since the really bad days, and it’ll keep getting better.
And this bad/sad/discontent/not good enough feeling? I’ve had it before. I’ve had it worse. I’ve had weeks and months where I’ve felt stuck in this feeling. But those dark days don’t last forever. Now when the feeling hits, it lasts a day or two, whereas pre-medication, it felt like a never-ending gloom. And there are even brighter days ahead for me, I’m sure.
Whatever is currently making you feel shitty about yourself – take a minute. Look at it differently. Think of similar struggles you’ve already overcome, and what they’ve taught you. Without those struggles, those growing pains, you wouldn’t be nearly as well-equipped to deal, now. Just like those past triumphs (and struggles, and failures, and everything in between), you’ll get through it, and be a lil bit better, stronger, wiser because of it.
So don’t be discouraged.
You’ll be okay.
Things have been worse, and I promise, things will be better.