Twenty-six means I’m no longer in my early twenties. I’m no longer included in that age group of “don’t worry about it, no one’s got it figured out yet”. Instead, I’m entering the age group where most people actually do have it figured out, or seem to. Everyone around me is getting married, buying houses, having kids, landing their dream job. It’s all coming together for everyone else, what’s my problem??
I’ve spent a good few days sulking in that “poor me” mindset, certain that the fates are against me. I’ve spent just as much time being angry and annoyed, beating myself up over all the things I’ve done wrong to derail my life’s journey. And I’ve had an awful lot of PMS-induced sobs to my mom asking, “but why is my life such a mess???”
Yeah. Pretty easy to feel like a huge failure at this growing-up thing.
Day to day, though, I like my life. I have good friends, even if there’s little-to-no romance happening. I get along with my parents, who are also pretty much the best “landlords” I could ask for. I enjoy my job (honestly, I do, despite how much I bitch about it), even if, financially, it won’t cut it in the long term. Sure, down the road those things will change. I’m not exactly planning on being thirty-six, single, and still mooching off my parents. But I’m also not going to sacrifice my happiness and rush into things, just for the sake of getting back on track with those big life milestones. Forcing anything – whether it’s a relationship, a career you’re just not into, a lifestyle, or a yoga pose – is asking for trouble.
In yoga, we sometimes say “don’t make your body fit the pose, make the pose fit your body”. As in, don’t force your body into shapes it doesn’t want to be. Be content with your own version of the pose, even if it doesn’t look like the girl on instagram. I’m trying to take that philosophy into my real life. My life doesn’t even remotely look like the girls I graduated with, who are doing the “perfect mom” thing, happily married and living in their own beautiful house, all while killin’ it at their great job. Side-by-side, our versions of a happy life could not be more different. But that’s what I mean with the yoga analogy – they don’t have to. My happy and your happy might be worlds apart, and that’s okay.
Yeah, maybe my “future happy” will look something like those perfect moms’. I mean, of course I want all of those things, I just have to accept that right now, that’s not where I am. Right now, I’m trying to live a life that makes me happy. Doing the things I love. Listening to my heart, and following my own path on this growing-up adventure.
Right now, the next step on that path is a big one. A twelve-thousand kilometre one (god, google knows everything!). Two weeks from today, I’m taking off for a month-long 200-hour Yoga Teach Training in Thailand. That‘s what my happy looks like right now. If I were all settled down with a family and career, I could never do this. Taking a month off work, spending thousands of dollars, and traveling to the other side of the world, for yoga? You wouldn’t be the first to question my sanity. I know, it’s definitely not going to help me achieve any of those all-important Adult Milestones, but that’s okay. So my life’s path might be a bit meandering. So what? As long as I’m happy along the way, the rest of it will fall into place when the time is right. After all, isn’t happiness the journey, not the destination?
That being said, I’ll be MIA for a little while. Don’t worry, I’ll be back in November, filled to the brim with yoga wisdom and happiness (and probably hopefully a nice tan, too!). I’m excited to do this training, both to improve my teaching, and to improve my own practice. I’m eager to look deeper into the spiritual side of things, and to better understand the logistics behind the physical side. I’m looking forward to days filled with yoga, spent with lovely fellow yogis, under the Thai sun. Just thinking about it makes me so, so happy.
Those “expectation vs reality” pictures you sometimes see, where one side is a picture-perfect yogi executing some crazy yoga pose, while the other side shows an awkward, falling-over attempt to recreate that pose…that’s kind of how I imagine my life compared to others’ sometimes. But honestly, the messy side of either can be pretty fun. How often do you fall out of a pose half because you’re laughing at what a struggle city you are? I’m the struggle city. Might look like a mess, but I’m having fun.
Namaste, byeeeee ❤