It’s been more than a while since I’ve written about my “journey” as a yoga teacher. I guess it’s time for a little update.
So, how’s it going? Hmmm, ummmmm, yeah, about that.
Honestly, I haven’t been doing much teaching at all lately. I was away in Portugal for a week, and missed my class then, and the Tuesday after I got back, no one showed up to my class. The next Tuesday, the sun decided to make its first appearance in (what seemed like) months, so again – no one showed up. It’s really hard not to get discouraged with that kind of reception to my teaching.
I hate to admit it, but by the time this weeks class came around, I was almost hoping no one would show up.
After a month of no teaching, and less-than-stellar attendance at my previous classes, I was really starting to doubt myself. Maybe I’m just not meant to do this, clearly I can’t be any good if no one likes me enough to come. I worried and fretted and convinced myself I was a terrible teacher. Worse still, I was kind of ashamed. I’m “that yoga girl” – I can’t be bad at this, it’s all I have! By 7:00 Tuesday when I was arriving at the studio, I had myself that worked up and anxious that I really just wanted to go home and do my own thing, probably have my own private practice at home.
But then, people showed up! Not a lot, but enough – more than my “usual” two, at least. I taught, and it all flowed, and I think they all enjoyed it. And I enjoyed it! I remembered the wonderful, happy feeling teaching gives me; the reason I do it.
Just that one class, and I felt better. I really, really like teaching yoga, and I really want to get good at it. I can’t take it personally when my classes aren’t filled – you don’t just get handed a ready-made following of students. Like anyone starting out, I’ve gotta work for it! Also like anyone starting out, at anything, I can only get better with practice.
In so many things in life, we let insecurity and self-doubt hold us back. Why?? If you really love something, who cares about the rest of it? You don’t have to be the best, you don’t need everyone to love you, you don’t need to meet a thousand requirements on some silly checklist. If something makes your heart happy, go for it. Don’t listen to those voices in your head saying you’re not good enough.
Next week’s class, I’m already looking forward to it. I started planning out my class this morning, and I’m even enjoying putting together the little flows and sequences. Come Tuesday evening, whether one student shows up, or eleven, or no one, I’ll be there, ready and happy to teach. Because I really really love this, and that is enough.
In the words of Yoga Girl (/my own major girlcrush) Rachel Brathen, “Do what you love. No more. No less.”